Understanding Perfectionism
What Is Perfectionism?
Have you ever come across anyone who became extremely upset over getting ninety-five percent on an exam? Or a friend who refuses to share their amazing chocolate chip cookies with their colleagues because they believe that they are not good enough and would be criticised? Perhaps you know a gymnast who has performed at an outstanding level in numerous competitions, but only criticises themselves over the one time that they made a minor mistake in their routine.
Behaviour such as this, which focuses on mistakes and not achievements, avoidance of engaging in activities due to the fear of criticism from others or disappointing others, engaging in self-criticism, and striving for flawlessness every single time, are often signs of unhelpful perfectionism. This kind perfectionism is often associated with a range of mental health difficulties including insomnia, anxiety, depression and eating disorders.
Signs of Unhelpful Perfectionism:
- Difficulty tolerating mistakes
- Overly self-critical
- Low self-esteem and increased self-doubt
- Rumination and worry
- Rigidity with standards
- Unrealistic expectations of self
- Procrastination
- Overly organised
- Overwhelming feelings of shame and guilt
- Lack of motivation
Treatment of Perfectionism:
Your therapist will work with you to help you
- Recognise and celebrate your achievements
- Practice self-compassion
- Destigmatise your mistakes
- Face your fears
- Reframe your failures
- Learn to tolerate distress
- Reach out to others
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) About Perfectionism
Is perfectionism always harmful?
Perfectionism isn’t all bad! Striving for excellence can actually motivate individuals to develop and improve various skills, and lead a more fulfilling life. These outcomes are a result of an adaptive or helpful kind of perfectionism, where an individual learns and builds on mistakes and has the flexibility to re-evaluate standards in a self-compassionate manner.
When should I seek help for perfectionism?
It is important to realise that we can strive for excellence in a healthy way versus in a detrimental pursuit of perfection. If you have noticed the above signs of unhelpful perfectionism get in the way of leading a life that you value, it may be a good time to speak to a therapist.
